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Positive parenting is something that concerns nearly all mothers and fathers. As conscious parents, we want to have our kids grow up healthy, happy, smart and unafraid of living. We want to support our kids to be creative and have meaningful work and relationships. But with our busy lives and our own challenges and 'stuff', how do we do this? How do we give our kids the best start possible? After nearly seven years as a dad, here are the best parenting tips I have learned:
It is helpful to illuminate the positive, and to find the goodness in every situation you encounter with your child. Bring some play and humor in whenever possible. One time, for example, we were cooking dinner and my mother was in the house too and she was very anxious about the food and, well, who knows what. She started to complain... but before she could get swallowed completely by her worried story, I had this impulse to start singing the blues!
"I got the burnt toast blues!" I belted out. I kept going: "I got the dirty dishes blues!"
Suddenly all of us started singing the blues. It was hilarious! Everyone lightened up.
The underlying point here is that every situation you face with your child is okay, even at its most difficult moment. There is always a way to lighten it up. Music and laughter and movement and play are powerful tools to turn things around. Every situation has a positive side to it. Therefore, conscious parenting begins with wanting to heal and find the positive in any situation. Not always easy, of course, but it can be done.
Let's look at a simple and common parenting challenge for instance. Suppose you and your two children are on a road trip. One child wants to pull over and go to one restaurant; one wants to eat somewhere different. They're hungry and tired, and soon bickering starts.
It then turns into fighting. What can you do? How do you choose where to go without making one kid feel hurt?
Positive parenting begins with acceptance and neutrality. You have to understand both points of view. Neither child is right or wrong. They're just looking at things differently. so a large part of the answer is to first see the bickering as an opportunity for you to practice "acceptance in the midst of chaos."
Every fight and every squabble between kids are like zen teachers for you to learn to stand in a true and strong middle ground. So don't say to yourself: "Oh no, they are at it again!" Instead, embrace the fight. See it as a real opportunity for you to become more solid, more capable, and more instrumental as a parent. See it as a welcome invitation to practice all your positive parenting skills.
Squabbling kids is not a problem until you make it into one. In fact, there is not need to even call it a fight. When the bickering starts, call it a "parenting skills enhancer." Change your thoughts about it and your experience will follow.
Conscious parenting begins with you. It's in who you are and how you feel about yourself. Be there parent you wish your parents had been. That will help so much. It will give a positive outlook and that is where your actions must flow from.
As a parent, naturally, you are going to have to take action. In our example above, you are going to have to choose where to stop and eat. You must be the referee for both kids. This is to be expected. But if you are not fighting with yourself and not wrapped in their fight by judging it, you will be far more effective in helping everyone find the bet solution.
So, keeping your intent on positive parenting, try to listen to your kids. Let each one have a turn to speak. Ask them questions. "What do you want?" "Why do you want that?" Give each one a chance to really be heard. Let each kid feel as if they are being seen and acknowledged and listened to. Try and get the other kids to listen to.
You will be a far better guide if you are calm in yourself. And the only way to do that is to not take sides, to feel relaxed and to stay centered. Don't take any of it seriously.
Teach your kids by way of example. Be the solution, instead of seeking it, and soon the whining and bickering will become much more entertaining. You will enjoy the ride.
Article by Michael Alperstein
Michael Alperstein is a speaker and Life Coach. For more great articles of his, explore the resources at Light Workers World: Tools for Spiritual Growth Michael also writes product reviews now and again. Source: http://EzineArticles.com/5821433
Posted in: Positive Parenting
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