Q&A: Child Behavior For A Three Year Old

Parenting Question

"I'm spiraling out of control with my three-year-old daughter. She won't listen to me and I know that the 'naughty bench' isn't working. I'm at a total loss and feel like such a failure. I don't want to hit her or use the kind of strong verbal yelling that my parents did. What do I do? I want her to understand that I'm the boss and when I ask her to do something or obey something, she should do it. My father was giving me parenting advice today and I feel so out of control. Is this normal child behaviour for a three-year-old?"
~ Out-of-Control Mom>

Positive Parenting Tip for Child Behaviour for a Three Year Old

Dear Out-of-Control Mom:

Firstly, you are NOT a failure--just a mom who needs some new tools.

My guess is that you haven't had many courses on how to deal with three-year-old behaviour, so be gentle with yourself.

Many parents ask me what's "normal" when it comes to child behaviour for a three-year-old. No matter what your child's age, what it comes down to is this: how is your child's behaviour working for you, and how is it working for them. From your question, I sense it just ain't working--period!

So let's first look at what is going on for your daughter. Children at the pre-school stage are developing a whole host of new skills, including: wanting  more independence (for example, "No, I want to do it by myself!"); asserting their wants ("I want that!"); and learning about friendship ("Give that back!"). One of the best things you can do when parenting a three-year-old is to support your child in attaining these new skills without allowing them to become demanding or spoiled. To ensure you don't fall into unhealthy habits that promote power struggles, choose to use a firm--but kind--approach and look for ways that your child can learn from each situation.

The more you can allow your three-year-old to do things on her own (and they won't be perfect), the less likely she will be to fight you on everything. Look for household tasks that she can do at her age and find ways that she can help you out. Have her fill the dog bowl, hold the door open for you when you are bringing groceries into the house, set the table, etc. The busier you can keep her doing positive behaviors, the less chance she will move towards negative ones.

Be warned: even if you take this approach, your daughter is still going to test you. Below are six simple steps for dealing with three-year-olds when they just won't listen:

1. Let Go of Timeouts - Timeouts can work for some children (but there are far better techniques). Ultimately, the only person we can control is ourselves. If time-outs are not working (that is, your child refuses to go to the "naughty bench", stay on the "naughty bench", or tells you they make their own rules and have moved the "naughty bench"), look for other ways to inspire them to want to be well-behaved (as suggested in the following five steps).

2. Fire Yourself as Boss of the Household! - Many parents buy into the belief that mom should be the boss of the household and be in control. Yet, we must remember that we are modelling for our children how to act every single minute of the day. Our kids learn more from what we do than from what we say. If they see us pulling rank as "boss", they will attempt to be "boss" too. Unfortunately, when this happens, they may outrank us and the real power struggles will begin!

3. Provide Flexibility with Boundaries - Instead of boss, see yourself as your child's coach or guide, responsible for providing them with experiences to learn from and allowing them to experience the consequences of their actions. Give clear guidelines, but also give them flexibility too. For example, "Your toys need to be cleaned up before we go to Grandma's. Do you want to clean them up now, or in 5 minutes from now?" If they still don't clean up, then you might not go to Grandma's that day. Children need to know what the rules are and, more importantly, they need to know you will follow-through with the rules. Once you become consistent with your behaviour, your children will learn to trust what you say and will improve their behaviour accordingly.

4. Stay Firm (but Kind) - If they fight, you follow-through. Do this without yelling, scolding or punishing. Don't buy into their tears, and definitely don't get into a debate. Stay firm, but stay kind. Tell them that when they want a hug, to come find you. I know keeping your cool is easier said than done. For more on this, check out the "Mom's Time-Out" section (page 111-114) of When You're About To Go Off The Deep End, Don't Take Your Kids With You.

5. Use Consequences That Relate to Their Behaviour - Punishment teaches our kids to feel bad, but rarely teaches them how to "do good". If you are encountering the same misbehaviours over and over again, your child is clearly not learning from their mistakes. To facilitate learning, make certain any consequences used are directly related to the misbehaviour. For example, when your child is rough with the computer, computer time is over when your child is splashing water out of the tub, bath time is over; or when your child is goofing off with their food, dinner is over. Again, do these quickly, but kindly.

6. Thank and Appreciate Your Child for What They Do - Children want to please and they want to know that their contributions make a difference. Remember to tell them so--and often.

Learning how to motivate our children to want to be well-behaved takes time and practice. Yet, taking the time now to learn these tools can save you years of heartache and frustration. Keep reading, keep practising, and keep empowering that three-year-old of yours: then watch their behaviour change for the better!

Kelly Nault, MA author of When You’'re About To Go Off The Deep End, Don’t Take Your Kids With You inspires moms to put themselves first— for the sake of their children. She shares time-tested tools that motivate children to want to be well behaved, responsible and happy! Sign up for her free online parenting course here.

© 2005 UltimateParent.com - All rights reserved.

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Posted in: Positive Parenting,Toddler Taming

The Importance of Play in a Child's Life

It’s true that education is like a building block for a child’s future. All parents dream for a better career for their child’s life. Everybody wants their child to be doctor, engineer and wants to see them in high posts. In this cut throat competition children get pressurize with their activities to the extent that they don’t get spare time for their own entertainment. Teachers also keep the child busy during the holidays by giving them assignments and homework. Earlier children used to play with their siblings. So, the children easily got a play environment at the home. However, now the time spent by children in playing was very less as compared to the past two decades. Parents should understand that play is an important activity and they should not deprive their child from this opportunity.

Group games allow children to learn the values of team spirit. It also teaches them to cooperate with other members of the team and develop self discipline. This also enables them to face negative situation in life and make them strong when they get defeated. Many studies have proved that children playing games which have lots of violence are likely to be more short tempered and aggressive.

It is the duty of the parents to find out whether the child knows the difference between fantasy and reality. When this problem is not uprooted in the initial stages then it can take very ugly turn in child’s life and they will start presuming that real life is also like the games which they play. It will have a negative impact on children mind because inappropriate games will impart wrong set of values in them. Through play children develop essential life skills; they also learn how to interact with their peers and adults. It is through play that children develop essential life skills; they learn how to interact with their peers and with adults. There are certain benefits that child get after playing. These benefits are given below:

1.  Reduces fear, anxiety, stress, irritability
2. Creates joy, intimacy, self-esteem and mastery not based on other's loss of esteem
3. Improves emotional flexibility and openness
4. Increases calmness, resilience and adaptability and ability to deal with surprise and change
5. Decreases tactile defensiveness
6. Healing process for hurts
7. Enhances feelings of acceptance of difference
8. Increases empathy, compassion, and sharing
9. Creates options and choices
10. Models relationships based on inclusion rather than exclusion
11. Alternative to aggressor-victim model of relationships
12. Decreases revenge and need for self defense
13. Improves touch and nonverbal socialization skills
14. Increases attention and attachment capacities
15. Positive emotions increase the efficiency of immune, endocrine, and cardiovascular systems
16.  Decreases stress, fatigue, injury, and depression
17. Integrates sensor motor, kinesthetic and emotional responses 

In conclusion every child should be allowed to play as they learn so many skills from playing, and from defeating. Play is essential for every child’s development as it make them well balanced grown up and prepare with all the essential life skills needed.

Article provided by: Harry Yadav

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Posted in: Positive Parenting,Toddler Taming

Teaching Our Children Gratitude

In a time when needs and desires are instantly gratified, and where opportunities and privileges are abundant, we may find that our children are developing an "all for nothing" attitude without expressing the gratitude that is warranted. Expression of gratitude is vital to every individuals' growth as it teaches us to appreciate what we have. It also teaches us to respect kindness and service, as well as appreciating their sources. I offer up three simple ideas to help teach our children the importance of gratitude in their own lives.

First and foremost, we as parents must lead by example. One of the greatest services and life lessons we can teach our children as they grow, is that of appreciation and thankfulness. There is no better way to teach a child than through personal example. Children learn the most through observation of those around them. When they see parents express thanks and appreciation for everyday occurrences, they will learn and want to do the same. Additionally, by expressing specific thanks towards our children they will feel the importance of gratitude in their own lives. By experiencing these feels of appreciation and worth, they will see and feel firsthand the powerful reward of thankfulness.

Second, we must eliminate entitlement in our childrens' lives. Just because we can give them everything, doesn't mean we should. We want our sons and daughters to feel like princes and princesses but not act like little tyrants. We can accomplish this by teaching them the importance of work and thriftiness in their lives. By not handing them their every whim and fancy, children will learn a greater sense of appreciation for what they do have. Someday they might even personally thank you for teaching them that less is often actually more.

Lastly, nothing can compensate for positive reinforcement in our childrens' lives. Recognize their thankfulness. Praise them for expressing their gratitude. This simple act will help them to be even more grateful. Positive reinforcement is much more effective than negative punishment. By showing our children that we are aware of them and their efforts to be grateful, we are reinforcing their desire to do so.

A thankful heart and an "attitude of gratitude" are necessary for our childrens' well-being and growth throughout their lives. We, as parents, must lead by example by being grateful ourselves. Additionally, the more we express gratitude the more we will see just how much we have to be grateful for. We will be happier. Our children will be happier. And in this day and age, no amount of money can buy our little princes and princesses happiness. Lead them down the road to happiness by teaching them the value of gratitude.

Article by Shelby Strong
Shelby is the mother of 3 kids and lives in Orem, Utah. When not chasing a baby or driving kids to dance and swimming lessons, she is at the office educating people about the benefits of pretend play. She owns an online toy store boutique called "Playfully Ever After" found at and sells everything from Little Adventures and Disney brand princess dresses to backpacks and quality puzzles and toys. Check out her blog as she often gives away free products. Her Amazon store has free shipping and so does her website. Check out the sales today! Source

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Posted in: Positive Parenting

How to Be a Happy Mum - Five Self Help Tips to Enjoy Motherhood!

You could be a happy mum if the children would only stop fighting or did as they were told. You could enjoy motherhood more if your partner did more housework or gave you more time out. Or if you had more money, right?

Well, here's the thing. If you wait for the behaviour of your children/husband or your financial status to reach certain conditions in order for you to be happy, you are placing your happiness into someone or something else's hands, and thus it becomes purely by chance that you will experience happiness.

Why not put the power to be happy back into your own hands by becoming personally responsible for it? You cannot control another person's behaviour, but you can control your own. Here are just five tips that will help you to become a happier mum, enjoy motherhood and control how much happiness you experience in your life:

Observe your thoughts

What are you saying to yourself? Become the observer and analyse what you say to yourself and the effect it has on your emotions. Often anger arises when we continue negative dialogues with ourselves which escalates into external outrage. Also, we can get attached to an idea or picture we create of how something needs to be done or how an outcome should look. We often compare current life to the one we had before children. When you become a parent, housework cannot get done in 6 hour sessions anymore. You cannot take off for a weekend away alone without prior organising and planning. The reality is that life has changed and you have to consciously change the way you think about your current lifestyle. Consider whether your expectations are realistic or whether you are stuck in the past and the way you used to be able to do things.

Accept the NOW

Whatever you are experiencing, that is what you are experiencing. There is nothing positive that comes from wishing it were another way, or hating the way that it is. Become the observer to unenjoyable situations (eg tantrum, disobedience) with acceptance, rather than resistance. If you are angry, observe the anger. EXPERIENCE the event and all that it entails (your reaction, emotions, thoughts, circumstances) and accept it as it is. Resistance causes you to stay stuck in it, acceptance helps you detach, become more objective about it and handle it smoother. "Okay, it is what it is, so what am I going to do about it?"

Know what you want

We often get stuck in our problems because we don't take time to consider what we really want. Do I want more time out? Do I want to be calmer? Do I want to improve my relationship? Be specific about what exactly this entails. Do I want 4 hours of time out, or a day, or a week? Know what you want, so that you can then create a plan to get it.

Be Solution Focused

Next, ask yourself, 'What do I need to do to get what I want?' then resource how to fix this problem and create a plan to achieve it. Find behaviour strategies, learn skills, take time- out if that's what you want. Put your attention on the solution and how you are going to move out of this unenjoyable situation, rather than staying stuck in the problem.

Personal Development. Get to know the YOU Inside the Mum.

What about you? Take the time to learn about yourself, build your self-esteem and self-confidence. Find ways to overcome bad habits, handle past issues that often present themselves when becoming a mum, learn how you have become the person you are and consciously work towards being who you want to be.

The final piece to the Happy Mum puzzle is to seek happiness from inside yourself. When you learn true self-love and inner peace, it will radiate out into your external world and you will experience a happier life. You will interact differently with your children and that will be reciprocated in their behaviour. You will experience deeper relationships, overcome the lows of life quicker and experience more of the highs of life.

Enjoy motherhood by putting the responsibility to enjoy life back into your hands and discover yourself from the inside out.

Article by Jackie Hall
Want more Self Help and Personal Development information specifically in the context of raising children? You can achieve calmness, balance and happiness by putting yourself back in charge of your life. Vist http://www.selfhelpformums.com and find The Happy Mum Handbook - a unique and must have book for mums that gives you the tools to change the way you feel about your life, be happy, and still be the good mother you aspire to be. You can free yourself from motherhood stress and the best news is that you can do all this in 5 simple, easy to remember steps.

The The Happy Mum Handbookcovers topics such as: Finding happiness, controlling your mindset, handling anger and guilt, discovering your personal identity, time Management, time Out, and creating the ultimate relationship with your partner.

At last you can have your cake and eat it too and be available to yourself and your kids. You don't have to wait for your children to reach a certain developmental age, go to school, or turn 18. Learn how to live a happy and inspirational life TODAY at Self Help for Mums. Source

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Posted in: Positive Parenting,Stay At Home Mums

Lunchbox Notes - One Step To Making Your Kids Feel Special

Download this FREE Template

Its only take a minute to make some feel special with a smile, a kind word or some other way of letting them know what they mean to you. Shame really that in our mad-dash modern world it is become far too easy to forget to stop and make someone's day. There are chores to do, kids to chauffeur, deadlines and appointments to make. The daily life of the modern Mummy operates at a crazy schedule but in less time than it takes to pack a sandwich, you can make your children feel very special indeed.


Make Them Feel Special: Lunchbox Notes

When your little one is away at daycare or in the care of someone else its nice to let them know you are thinking of them with a wee note of love. Your message needn't be elaborate, 'Mummy/Daddy loves you..' or well wishes such as, 'Have a fun day!' is all it take to make a child feel supported and very special indeed. You can make your notes humorous by sharing a mutually funny joke, or educational by helping the younger child to learn to read new words. Draw a funny doodle. Older children might enjoy more motivational notes such as wishing them well on an upcoming test or sporting event.

Click here to download our FREE template.

Lunchbox notes aren't just limited to the lunchbox either. Stick one on your preschooler's sunhat or sheet set for daycare nap-time. Tuck one in your child's school books or their gym bag. Write a kind note before bed and leave it on your son or daughter's pillow. Give hubby a little confidence boost and stick one in his briefcase or diary. The possibilities are endless.

Why Use Lunchbox Notes?

• notes help to encourage your child to read
• they remind your child how much they are loved
• help to build self-esteem and make your child feel how special they are
• they are fun can become a sweet family tradition

These notes are specifically designed to help your child (or any loved one for that matter) feel how important they are to you. It only takes a moment to scribble a kind word or two, and who knows, you might even find that you get one or two back yourself!

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Have you used Lunchbox Notes? What are some ways you help your children to feel special? We'd love to hear your comments.

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Posted in: Positive Parenting

Embrace The Principles of Positive Psychology

Have you heard of her? If not, pop on down the local library or hop Amazon to discover her book series for your little ones.

Trace Moroney is an internationally acclaimed author/illustrator who specialises in children’s books. What makes her so special? Well for starters, Trace's best selling series When I’m Feeling has been a worldwide success with 1.5 million copies sold, translated into sixteen languages! Her latest series, The Things I Love (2009) has also been met with extraordinary enthusiasm. The latter introduces children to the concept of love and gratitude, and offers examples of creating positive thought.

Focused on creating ‘books with a conscience’, Trace Moroney embraces the principles of positive psychology - in other words . . . focusing on what is good in the world!

The Things I Love
This beautifully illustrated series shares simple examples of creating positive thinking about everyday situations our children experience.

"Researchers have found that people with positive attitudes are more creative, tolerant, generous, constructive, successful, and open to new ideas and experiences - than those with a negative attitude. Positive thinkers are happier, healthier, live longer, experience more satisfying relationships, and have a greater capacity for love and joy. 

Feeling good about who you are allows you to be less judgemental and critical about others (and yourself), helps release self-imposed limitations, and generates a state of calmness and contentment … in other words . . . feeling love!" ~ Trace Moroney

When I’m Feeling 
This series has been carefully designed to help children better understand their feelings and shares examples of ways to express those feelings in a way that is both appropriate and acceptable to themselves and others.

Helping our young children develop skills to identify and manage their feelings leads to an increase in confidence, self-esteem, and an optimistic and hopeful state of mind - creating a healthy emotional foundation.

Buy the 8 book set. Pack includes:

• When I'm Feeling Jealous
• When I'm Feeling Angry
• When I'm Feeling Loved
• When I'm Feeling Scared
• When I'm Feeling Happy
• When I'm Feeling Sad
• When I'm Feeling Kind
• When I'm Feeling Lonely

Each book includes notes for parents and caregivers.


Why We Love It

Emotions aren't always that easy to explain to your little one, but through Moroney's thoughtfully composed and stunningly illustrated books, it gets alot easier.

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Posted in: Book Reviews,Positive Parenting

Changing Your Child's Behavior With Positive Reinforcement

Think about your interactions with your children today. How many things did you notice they did wrong? What did you do or say to them because of their wrong doings? Have they engaged in the same kind of behavior before? What did you do or say the times before? Is it working? How many things did you notice your children did right today? If you did take the time to notice, what did you do or say to them? Did you praise or reward them in some way? If so, then read no further and keep up the good work. If you could use a little work on doing this, then read on.

Let's face it. We parents often neglect to notice the positive things our children do. Rather, we tend to focus on our children's negative behaviors, because they either annoy us or otherwise make our lives difficult. Have you ever heard the phrase, "that which gets noticed gets repeated?" If all we ever notice is the negative things our children do, then why would they do anything different? It is as if we program our children to believe "if I'm only noticed when I do something wrong, then so be it."

It is just as important, if not more, to notice our children's positive behaviors. Remember most behaviors are controlled by their consequences. Some may believe rewarding kids for positive behavior is bribery. We all receive rewards daily for doing things well, at work, at home, and at play. These rewards often motivate us to continue the behaviors for which they were received. Where parents use rewards ineffectively is when they give a positive consequence to stop an inappropriate behavior. For example, "I'll give you a cookie if you stop whining." This only encourages the inappropriate behavior. Where as rewarding kids for their positive behaviors is quite the opposite and much more productive.

Using positive reinforcement to strengthen a desired behavior is easy. Just watch and wait for the behavior to occur then reinforce it with praise, a pat on the back or a special privilege. It may go something like this, "David, I really appreciate how you came in the house when I asked and you even did it without a big hassle. You should feel good about being able to do that." How about, "Wow Jamie, your bedroom looks awesome. You must have worked really hard on it. I bet you worked up a healthy appetite. Why don't you decide what we have for lunch today."

Focusing on your children's positive behaviors could be the most productive parenting change you make if you don't already do it. Chances are you have been trained like the rest of us to only call attention to the bad things your kids do. This phenomenon isn't found solely in the parent/child relationship. It is also prevalent in spousal, sibling and employee/employer relationships. When was the last time your boss called you into his office and asked you to shut the door? Was it because he just wanted to tell you what a wonderful job you are doing and how valuable of an employee you are? If so, lucky you. More than likely, it was because he wanted to talk to you about something he thought you could do better or you were doing something wrong. People tend to take positive behavior for granted and punish negative behaviors.

Some parents find it helpful to make a note and put it where they can see it often. The note might read, "notice the positive" or "catch'em doing good." You may also want to consider using a jar of consequences, a parenting tool that parents can use to help them focus on and reinforce the positive behaviors their children exhibit.

Catch your kids being good. It could have a profound affect on the atmosphere in your home. Whatever it takes I assure you it will be worth it.

Author Bio
Destry Maycock, MSW has had over eleven years experience working with children and families as a professional social worker. Destry has helped hundreds of parents solve a variety of parenting challenges and strengthen their relationships with their children. Destry enjoys developing tools that help parents with the difficult but rewarding duty of raising children.

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Posted in: Positive Parenting

The Necessity of Learning Positive Parenting Techniques

Once you get married, the next thing is certain to happen. The birth of a baby is going bring a change in your life. There are several responsibilities to fulfil once you become parent. It is better to know some positive parenting techniques though the style of parenting is a natural phenomenon for many parents. Due to the modern life style that is busy and mechanical, many parents are concerned about parenting information.

Parenting can be defined simply as taking care of your child and showing him the right way to become a good citizen. In addition to guidance from parents children need love and affection and proper attention from their parents.

The following positive parenting techniques may be of great help in your parenting life:

1. You must understand that your child is able to think on his own and you should never try to force him to do which he is not interested. Every child must be given an opportunity to find their inborn talents so that they can grow to a complete individual.

2. Parenting a child is an art, you have to bring them in such a way that they should always respect your ideas and trust in you. Children must have an easy access to their parents for any help or advice. Children should be helped to discover their inner strengths and talents. Children always love to talk with their parents, show enough patience to here them. You wonder how much knowledge you child has acquired..

3. Always give you child a chance to do what they like in their studies or activities like sports and games. You should not compel him to do a certain which he is not comfortable.

4. Parents love and support towards their children plays a major role in discovering their inner talents and thus perform well.

5. You can give good amount of freedom to your child, giving more freedom does not mean you are spoiling your child. There should be some limit to the freedom you give. You have to fix some schedule for his daily activities and set some goals for future. This will create security and some discipline for your child. At times, a parent must be tough but he or she should not behave like a general in military.

6. If you completely give freedom and lenience to your child, it will spoil him. You need to know positive parenting techniques to bring your child with discipline. When children behaves badly, you threaten him of the consequences if they continue to do the same but you should never beat or scold them. Fix your child entitlements like watching TV or going to a movie, eating outside or vising a shop etc..

7. Create a good atmosphere in your house so that your child share everything, spends more time with you, he is willing to share his problems. Always be open for discussion with your children and allot fixed time to send with them. Creating love, affection and trust is what matters when it comes to parenting but not just giving money or satisfying general needs. Right from childhood, every parent should develop a good bonding with their children as that will last for a life time more and bring more happiness and good times for your family.

Article by Sevana Sarada
Discover The Most Effective Parenting Tips & Tricks That Are Guaranteed To Work For You And Your Child in addition to Positive Parenting Techniques for better Parenting. Source: http://EzineArticles.com/3946726

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Posted in: Positive Parenting

Yep, Toddlers Love to Help With Chores

You've got one or more little ones and you're trying to do chores and watch them at the same time. You'd love to clone yourself but, sorry, technology hasn't progressed quite that far yet. You're growing very weary checking on them every five minutes to make sure they're not unrolling all the toilet paper or burning the house down. You're also aware that it's been two days since you've given the children any quality attention. And children need and crave attention.

So get them involved in what you're doing. Unlike older kids, small children usually love to help. It makes them feel responsible and gives them confidence. They see it as a fun challenge. They also see it as something they can do with Mom, Dad, or the nanny. And, believe it or not, occasionally when kids a few years older see their siblings having so much fun, they may pitch in now and then too.

Of course, your chores may take a little longer and be a bit messier, but you'll know where the children are and they'll be happy. However, don't set up a child for failure. Give them small tasks that are almost impossible to botch. Don't ask children to carry something that may spill. Don't expect them to figure out a job that requires several steps. For example, give him a sponge when you're washing the car and let him sponge the fender for a while. If you're folding clothes fresh out of the dryer, give her a few little shirts to fold or socks to match. If you're preparing dinner, a child can stand on a chair and wash a few potatoes. If you're grocery shopping, hand items to your child in the kiddy cart seat and ask him or her to lay it in the cart. Suddenly the fussing stops and they're waiting for the next item.

An important part of this exercise is liberal praise. Thank the child and praise him or her for being helpful. That's all it takes sometimes to make a kid's day. She thinks she has just been crowned housekeeper of the day. He thinks he just completed the Panama Canal. So next time you're going berserk trying to do chores while refereeing the children every three minutes, try giving them simple tasks both to help you along and keep them occupied. Forget keeping the children occupied with a new toy every five minutes. Try doing chores with them.

Article By Debra Fortosis
Debra Fortosis owns a babysitter and nanny placement agency called Elite Family Care. It is headquartered in the Sarasota/Bradenton region of southwest Florida. You may find her website at http://www.elitefamilycare.com. If you wish to contact her, go to debra@elitefamilycare.com

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Posted in: Positive Parenting,Toddler Taming

The Art of Positive Parenting: How to Get Kids to Stop Fighting

Positive parenting is something that concerns nearly all mothers and fathers. As conscious parents, we want to have our kids grow up healthy, happy, smart and unafraid of living. We want to support our kids to be creative and have meaningful work and relationships. But with our busy lives and our own challenges and 'stuff', how do we do this? How do we give our kids the best start possible? After nearly seven years as a dad, here are the best parenting tips I have learned:

It is helpful to illuminate the positive, and to find the goodness in every situation you encounter with your child. Bring some play and humor in whenever possible. One time, for example, we were cooking dinner and my mother was in the house too and she was very anxious about the food and, well, who knows what. She started to complain... but before she could get swallowed completely by her worried story, I had this impulse to start singing the blues!

"I got the burnt toast blues!" I belted out. I kept going: "I got the dirty dishes blues!"

Suddenly all of us started singing the blues. It was hilarious! Everyone lightened up.

The underlying point here is that every situation you face with your child is okay, even at its most difficult moment. There is always a way to lighten it up. Music and laughter and movement and play are powerful tools to turn things around. Every situation has a positive side to it. Therefore, conscious parenting begins with wanting to heal and find the positive in any situation. Not always easy, of course, but it can be done.

Let's look at a simple and common parenting challenge for instance. Suppose you and your two children are on a road trip. One child wants to pull over and go to one restaurant; one wants to eat somewhere different. They're hungry and tired, and soon bickering starts.

It then turns into fighting. What can you do? How do you choose where to go without making one kid feel hurt?

Positive parenting begins with acceptance and neutrality. You have to understand both points of view. Neither child is right or wrong. They're just looking at things differently. so a large part of the answer is to first see the bickering as an opportunity for you to practice "acceptance in the midst of chaos."

Every fight and every squabble between kids are like zen teachers for you to learn to stand in a true and strong middle ground. So don't say to yourself: "Oh no, they are at it again!" Instead, embrace the fight. See it as a real opportunity for you to become more solid, more capable, and more instrumental as a parent. See it as a welcome invitation to practice all your positive parenting skills.

Squabbling kids is not a problem until you make it into one. In fact, there is not need to even call it a fight. When the bickering starts, call it a "parenting skills enhancer." Change your thoughts about it and your experience will follow.

Conscious parenting begins with you. It's in who you are and how you feel about yourself. Be there parent you wish your parents had been. That will help so much. It will give a positive outlook and that is where your actions must flow from.

As a parent, naturally, you are going to have to take action. In our example above, you are going to have to choose where to stop and eat. You must be the referee for both kids. This is to be expected. But if you are not fighting with yourself and not wrapped in their fight by judging it, you will be far more effective in helping everyone find the bet solution.

So, keeping your intent on positive parenting, try to listen to your kids. Let each one have a turn to speak. Ask them questions. "What do you want?" "Why do you want that?" Give each one a chance to really be heard. Let each kid feel as if they are being seen and acknowledged and listened to. Try and get the other kids to listen to.

You will be a far better guide if you are calm in yourself. And the only way to do that is to not take sides, to feel relaxed and to stay centered. Don't take any of it seriously.

Teach your kids by way of example. Be the solution, instead of seeking it, and soon the whining and bickering will become much more entertaining. You will enjoy the ride.

Article by Michael Alperstein
 Michael Alperstein is a speaker and Life Coach. For more great articles of his, explore the resources at Light Workers World: Tools for Spiritual Growth Michael also writes product reviews now and again. Source: http://EzineArticles.com/5821433

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Posted in: Positive Parenting