How to Cope With Your Toddler and Your New Baby

When we have one child we have all the time in the world to get to know them, understand their needs, meet their needs and watch them grow. Every new phase of development is new and exciting and especially when they are the first grandchild they receive a lot of adult time and attention. However when the second child comes along there are many changes to your routine and your family and it can feel very overwhelming. When you understand how your toddler may feel and the changes in your own parenting you will feel more confident in handling two children in your life.


Firstborns naturally receive a lot of attention.
With all this attention and sole focus we tend to jump when the baby cries and meet their needs immediately, keep them clean and tidy, teach them new things to be done the right way and encourage the same from them. Most first born toddlers like clean hands, everything put in its right place, their needs met immediately and know how mum and dad like the routine done as per the rules! (when they have a routine).

Second Baby tends to be more flexible.
Then we have the second baby and everything changes. Suddenly we don't have the time, energy or inclination for everything to be perfect and we certainly do not feel like doing it immediately! As parents we are faced with looking after and coordinating two children now and something has to give. We have to prioritize and naturally become a little more flexible and get to what needs to be done when we have time. When prioritizing we tend to meet the needs of the noisiest one first and as a consequence the second child tends to learn to be flexible. They often need to wait for a feed, hear mums voice and know she will come eventually, just like twins who learn very quickly mum will come soon.

Because we have a toddler and a baby, the baby is often carted around and needs to learn to sleep in lots of different places because the toddler has established a routine and activities. Mum and dad want the toddler to maintain their routine and weekly activities so they have a sense of normality to their life now that the new baby has come along. This helps to encourage flexible sleeping for the new baby and most parents' report that the second baby is generally more flexible in nature. The reason the second baby is more flexible is that mum and dad have become more flexible and less anxious about everything and so baby responds accordingly.

It is sensible at this point to remember that your toddler has lived through a couple of years of strict routines, everything done when they wanted it, rules adhered to and lots of attention. Now that the new baby has come along mum and dad may have relaxed the rules and become more flexible because there is more to do, but, your toddler is expecting everything to remain the same. They don't appreciate or understand that the rules may have changed because you are busier and expect their needs to be met immediately as they were before. This is why some toddlers can have trouble adjusting to the new baby and demand more attention.

Keep with the toddlers routine.
It is important to respect your toddler and keep routines for eating and sleeping and playing on time. Your toddler still needs their needs met as much as the new baby. However the new baby will be more flexible than the toddler in routine and nature. The toddler at this stage will have set times for sleeping, eating and playing and the baby will be having various awake and asleep times not fixed to the clock. Therefore you can avoid trouble by making sure the toddlers routine is kept to first.

Especially in the hectic afternoon "arsenic hour" the new baby will want to have frequent feeds and shorter sleeps and can fit into the toddlers preparation for sleep routine. I suggest that once the toddler is in bed, offer the baby one last calm uptime, with a relaxed feed before going to bed for the night.

It is acceptable to teach toddlers cooperation and patience at this stage. I find parents cope better when they understand that the toddler stage is all about "me" and the toddler thinks along the principle of "what's in it for me?" If we can word all requests directed at the toddler ending with a reward (of time, an outing or a favourite activity) we are more likely to gain cooperation. As the toddler grows older positive encouragement alone will ensure continued cooperation.

Learning to live and play together.
Even if the toddler appears to love the toddler, they can nearly love them to death! As parents we need to do a lot of modelling of how to touch the baby, where to kiss, washing hands, gentle play and when it's ok to go into the baby's room and look at them (poke them). Your toddler doesn't understand consequences or their own strength and will feel really out of place if all contact with the baby is discouraged or frowned upon. Remember your toddler has a really small concentration span so offer some cuddles and one-on-one special time with the baby and after a few minutes they will be off doing something else. Encourage reading time when you are stuck on the lounge feeding the baby and agree to spend some quality time with the toddler as soon as the baby is having some floor play or back in bed.

Also consider the toddler from the baby's point of view. My favourite description of my own toddler's was "hairy monsters". They were always getting in close to baby's face to say "hello!" and their hair was hanging everywhere! If we are always in baby's face the toddler will want to do the same.

I am also seeing a lot of baby's that are missing out on essential floor play because mum and dad are trying to protect them from the toddler. Using a bouncer, hip, playpen, jolly jumper, walker or highchair prevents floor play and tummy time and inhibits the physical and mental development of your baby. It is better to teach the toddler how to play and supervise the floor play initially than prevent it all together.

I found it helpful to make a lunchbox up of healthy snacks and a drink in a non-spill drink bottle available for the toddler, because it was always when I sat down to feed the baby that the siblings would want something to eat or drink.

Tip: Have no guilt. The gift you have given your toddler in a sibling to cherish forever far outweighs the negatives of sharing you the parents. How wonderful that the toddler can learn cooperation, compromise, sharing and about being a family. Remember that your toddler had you to themselves for a few years and the new baby will never have you to themselves.

Article by Natalie Ebrill.
I understand you want to find a gentle solution to your baby's sleeping problem that allows you to respond to your baby and start it today. But you've tried so many other strategies and read all of the books and you don't know who or what to believe anymore. You just want feel confident about your baby's routine and reduce the crying more than anything else, and that's ok! I want to give you your life back! Download your Sleep Package and start today! Source. Visit Baby Sleep Consultant 0-5 years, mother of three, Natalie Ebrill's website, http://www.sleepandsettle.com.au

Posted in: Toddler Taming